i've been told it is typical. but i think that makes me even more sad.
there are people who are close to me, people who i would have considered someone i could lean on in a hard time, who act like this whole situation doesn't exist.
oh, some of them ask how i am. but they ask in a way that tells me "i'm asking you, but really- please don't answer honestly." and what they don't know is, the honest answer isn't half bad.
so i think that saddens me more than facing what i'm facing. now i have to face it with people who would rather remain at a distance. it's easier for them to pretend it's not happening. they can protect themselves and their smooth flowing world.
it causes me to think on my past. have i done the same?
if it's typical, it must have been done to them when they were going through a tough time.
i'm probably not making any sense. this post is mostly for my own benefit and maybe for those who are experiencing the very same thing and can't put it into words either.
fr. kevin said that when he went through military classes on how to prevent suicide the bottom line was "give a care". that's a cleaned up version of what they really taught but it's true.
i'm not suicidal. i'm not even close. and the number of people who are reaching out dwarf the few people who aren't. but i think in this case i feel sorry for the people who choose not to reach out. i'm carrying on. i'm changing. i'm growing into a new person.
and those people who haven't kept up- they don't know me anymore. due to their self-preserving stance, they have missed out and when they decide to resume their relationship with me, it'll be different, because i am.