i went for a walk around the neighborhood today. i made sure to sway my hips good and wide so he could settle his head down deep. the effects of that are visible now in the way i walk.
when a few weeks ago i wished i could be pregnant indefinitely, now i am starting to entertain other thoughts. i do want to meet him. i'm just terrified. it's like butterflies in my stomach- the ones i'd get if i were about to swim in the olympics and i was standing behind the blocks.
i now have a stethescope(thank you margaret) so i can listen to his heartbeat at night. it sounds like a roofer- a block away- hammering rythmically to secure shingles to a roof.
i'm struggling to get things done ahead of time. schoolwork that is available for me to do, i get it done asap. housework- not so much. the kids schooling is starting to slow down. i'm not as focused at getting through every subject with them as i was a couple of weeks ago. i just want us to slow down and enjoy "normal" for a little bit. we play outside, sit in the sun, go for walks- just be together.
they need the break. and so do i.
Good for you Elizabeth! Breathe deep and enjoy every moment! Let me know if you need anything...
ReplyDeleteLaura
On my way to noon mass in a few minutes, will offer my mass for you and Jedi and the family...
ReplyDeleteWhat great weather we are having, perfect for walks and fall fun. Praying for you and the family.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI just got the message from your brother (God bless and watch over him!) about Jedidiah. I've been sitting here reading your blog posts, thinking back over my life and praying for you. I was 31 and 20 weeks pregnant when I discovered there was something wrong with my son, Isaac. Isaac had Trisomy 18 (full.) At the time, I was not Catholic. I always thought my faith was strong, but it had never been tested in such a way. My husband, Darius, would tell one of his friends that I walked the house like a ghost at night, crying out to God. I was 32 when I delivered Isaac at 37 weeks. He did not survive delivery.
It was perhaps a year or so before I finished wrestling with God and my faith. I remember after Isaac died, I told someone that I hoped I never had to go through that again, because knowing how hard it was, I wasn't sure I could make the same decision again. I hoped I would, but... it as so difficult. Little did I know that God was going to give me another shot at it!
My husband converted to Catholicism, and after more battles with God, I did also. In 2003, I became pregnant with my 8th child, Joshua Frances Alexis Gerard Lecesne. At 13 weeks, the ultrasound was perfect. Two weeks later, Darius and I both had dreams about Isaac and I tod him I thought God was preparing us for something, and I didn't think it was something easy. At 20 weeks, ultrasound confirmed my suspicions: Joshua also had Trisomy 18. What a difference this second trisomy journey was! God had truly blessed our faith and us as a couple, and our journey this time, although full of sorrow, was also full of joy: joy in surrendering all fears, doubts and the future to God. Joshua was stillborn on Oct. 6. Neither time did I ever consider abortion. I knew, like you, that as long as those boys were in my belly, all was right with their world! I knew they were safe and content. Although Fr. Horan did Isaac's funeral at the funeral home, it wasn't a mass. This time, we had the funeral mass at SPB. I remember Darius carrying the small white coffin down the aisle.
Joshua was my last full-term pregnancy. In January 2006, my husband, a runner, soccer player, and swimmer died unexpectedly. He was, at that time, homeschooling the 4 youngest children. I really can't put into words how terrible that was for all of us. He really was a great dad, husband, and faithful son of the Church. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write to you, but I do. Your brother, Fr. Kevin, has been terrific to us over the last 4 1/2 years. At his urging, I actually went to Rosemary's home (was going out there for one of my boys' soccer games) and spent the afternoon with her.
Anyway, this has gotten too long. I know you know this, but God IS good and He IS faithful and He NEVER leaves us and always loves us desparately. Please know that I will be praying for you and your family.
Peace be with you,
Marianne Lecesne
I read this several years later. It just broke my heart. I started crying till the point i could not stop. I knew Marianne from many years ago, we were not close friends, just acquaintances. I had just found out that she had lost her husband. I sat down and just starting praying for her and her children. I think of her often. My most heartfelt blessings toward her and her family.. Peace forever be Lynette Ritch
DeleteI read this several years past. It just broke my heart. I started crying till the point i could not stop. I knew Marianne from many years ago. We were not close friends just acquaintances. I had just read that she had lost her husband a few years age. I started praying for her and her children. My most heartfelt blessings toward Marianne and her children.. May peace be with Marianne always...Lynette Ritch
DeleteI've never heard FHT with a stethoscope. Is it like a watch ticking, or more like a heartbeat sound?
ReplyDeleteGosh I know the time is soon. Stand in the rain hon.
Dear Elizabeth and Marianne, you are both heroic, saintly women to me. I've been praying for you Elizabeth ever since Lisa O. told our homeschool group about your pregnancy. I will continue to lift both of you up in my prayers, masses and rosaries. May our Blessed Mother keep you close to her and her beloved Son, and bring you peace and comfort in the days to come.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you both,
Anne Shea