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Friday, July 30, 2010


jedidiah had hiccups yesterday. with the other kids it was such a small milestone- that actually annoyed me at times. they would pick up just as i was falling asleep and seemed to last forever!
but i can't imagine thinking jedi's hiccups are annoying in the slightest.
life is a gift.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


i sometimes think of what jedidiah's delivery will be like.
will it be natural?
will i need pitocin?
will it be hard?
will he be delivered alive?
will he have trouble?
will it be early?
will it be late?
will he be big enough to thrive?

there is one place where i just can't go. i have thought about it but i pray HARD that God in his mercy will spare me this decision.
in a discussion i had with a prospective care provider he suggested i get an amnio.
i felt i knew what i needed to know. i felt there was no use putting the kid under more difficulty so we could know beyond a reasonable doubt what was going on.
the reason he gave for suggesting the amnio was that he would be able to have this knowledge during labor. he said, "if the baby tanks, we would know not to go running to the OR for an emergency c-section."
i know plenty of people who are smart and generally considered compassionate and they all agree with him.
but as the mom- i have a REALLY hard time with this scenario. i don't think i could listen to the heartrate tank and tell everyone- "please sit on your hands. this baby is going to die anyway, let's just let it die inside me, ok?"

and then there is the alternative. i agree to a c-section. jedidiah is delivered and possibly only lives for moments. he meets his siblings and father, while i am looped out on drugs and don't remember a bit about him or the moments we shared. and i am left to mourn as i heal. the long hard road of c-section recovery mixed in with the long hard road of losing a baby.
so i pray. i pray hard that this decision doesn't come visiting me.

family (bellyrubbing) rosaries

we are starting a new kind of family rosary in our house. using the belly rub that my friend maryann marshall gave me, the kids take turns massaging jedi in the womb while praying a decade each. we enjoyed this so much that the kids are begging to do this again tonight.
during max's decade, jedi gave him a swift kick(or punch). max's eyes lit up. max announced after the rosary that jedi liked him most.

the bellyrub consists of a collection of essential oils that maryann has learned support proper DNA function. it smells lemony and spicy and i LOVE it.

new ultrasound

to play catch up i probably need to include some tidbits of info we have learned
we found out that our baby is a boy!
we named him jedidiah joseph- but the kids started calling him jedi joe.
the perinatologist diagnosed jedi with alobar holoprosencephaly and tetrology of fallot
we met with a pediatric cardiologist last friday- july 23rd and learned that jedi's heart defect isn't tetrology of fallot. tetrology of fallot includes 4 heart defects, one of them being overriding aorta. jedi doesn't have this. he has the vsd, the pulmonary hypoplasia, and the aortic stenosis- but not the overriding aorta.

and so now i will continue with the peri appt yesterday

i had a perinatologist appointment yesterday. chris texted me a little before and said he wasn't going to make it. i kind of began to get nervous. i worried that there was going to be some big news or that the peri was going to be insensative. she wasn't exactly great during the last appointment.
but my worries were ill founded.
the ultrasound went fine. the tech even used the 3d wand and printed up some pictures to bring home to the kids. i'll have to see if i can upload some.
it was really neat to finally see his face. he's already such a sweetie.
i asked for some referals to doctors who deliver at northside- the pediatric cardiologist we saw last week suggested northside because they were the only ones with a top level nicu in atlanta(i think emory midtown has a good one, but it's just so far away). she gave me some names that i probably won't use bc they aren't tested by the ican ladies.
i even asked the tech. i explained that i had a prior c-section and she informed me that i would be at a higher risk for uterine rupture. i had to force myself not to roll my eyes.
prior to this "informative" lesson she had told me that jedidiah was going to be small. he is below the 5th percentile. i told her that after my c-section i went on to vbac an 8+ lb girl without a problem. not sharing the fact that at the time of delivery i was on 46 units of pitocin. i'm pretty sure my uterus can handle jedidiah's birth. at least i am trusting God that this is so.

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