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Thursday, August 25, 2011

12 hour growth spurt

who else thinks this growth spurt is kind of ridiculous big?
first pic is from yesterday morning. i am 26 weeks and a few days.
second pic is from last night?!?!? yes, last night.
i could. not. stop. eating. yesterday.
wonder what is going on... wish i had a womb-cam.
in other news i have my first appointment with the practice who is
going to deliver "dolphin" later today. and yesterday i found myself
really excited for the first time in a LONG time about an appointment!
with jedidiah i always felt apprehensive- kind of a protective stance
before appointments. "what are we going to learn this time?". ioften
couldn't sleep the night before- and them i felt tight all day until i
was through.
and even with this baby. the first appointment when we got an
ultrasound too was a very anxious time for me. and even after the
ultrasound showed nothing wrong i still didn't look forward to
appointments. i think i just hated the practice. they made me feel
like a number, someone to bill. i prayed and prayed to know who i
should deliver with. i couldnt go back to dr.tate- he is such a
skilled doctor and so caring too. but he only delivers at emory
midtown and i couldn't go back there and see some of those nurses.
then after going back and reading frances' birth story i recalled how
much my midwife stood by me- she delivers at a different hospital-
which importantly isn't emory midtown. and i feel peace with this
decision. a deep peace and an excitement that i haven't felt in a
long time.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

iPieta app and today's readings: faith

i was scrolling through my iPieta app last week, showing father kevin what all it has to offer when he stopped me in the "veritas" section.
there are lots of sections located under the veritas tab- catechisms including baltimore, imitation of christ, writings of saints, the summa, ecumenical councils, papal writings, and much more. in one section called "bible commentaries" he pointed out something called "catena aurea". it's a bible commentary that first has the bible excerpt- but then after that it has what jerome, augustine, john chrysostum, hilary, raban, bede, theophylact, and many other early church fathers had to say about the reading. he said it is a great tool for a new priest to use when writing homilies. i think it's a great tool to use period.

so- on to today's reading and the relevance it has in my life right now(especially since saint jerome helped me out some)
today's reading was matthew 14:22-33 in which Jesus walks across the wind tossed water toward the disciples in the boat. jerome said that "while the Lord tarries in the top of the mountain, straightway a wind arises contrary to them, and stirs up the sea, and the disciples are in imminent peril of shipwreck, which continues till Jesus comes...The military guards and watches are divided into portions of three hours each. when then he(matthew) says that the Lord came to them in the fourth watch, this shews that they had been in danger the whole night."
and john chrysostum says: "teaching them not to seek a speedy riddance of coming evil, but to bear manfully such things as befall them."

while i was pregnant with jedidiah God's presence and strength and grace were tangible, palpable. but the days after and since jedidiah's death have been a struggle. a test.

the imitation of Christ says "does it matter much, if at the coming of grace, you are cheerful and devout? this is an hour desired by all, for he whom the grace of God sustains travels easily enough. what wonder if he feel no burden when borne up by the Almighty and led on by the Supreme Guide! For we are always glad to have something to comfort us, and only with difficulty does a man divest himself of self."

so i keep trying to have faith past what is my experience now. have faith that God still cares. He is there on the mountain while i am in the boat. not because He doesn't care. but because he wants me to "man up" -to wean me from the teat of constant consolation and see if i can stand on my own.

i'm such a baby. i want the consolation. i want the affirmation of grace within me. but just because i don't feel it does that mean it's not there? and since it's not tangible or palpible does that mean God thinks i'm ready to be weaned? i think i need to trust that decision and go with it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

a new trisomy family needs prayers now

they live here in atlanta and are about 19 weeks along with a baby girl who has been diagnosed with trisomy. i have added their blog to my blog list on the left. they are such a precious family and just by reading her blog i have found that she has had alot of the same feelings i had during my pregnancy with jedidiah. the mom's name is katie and i have a really strong feeling she'll be needing your prayers.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

raising kids

chris was clicking around the channels last night and on one channel
there flashed a preacher who asked his congregation, "have you raised
and i said to chris, "we haven't raised a child.". thinking how funny
it was that we were currently raising 6 and have been at it for years
it seems. but we have yet to successfully raise a child to the age of
18. although we are getting close. henry will be 12 on thursday!
he looked at me and said, "we have raised one."
and i thought dumbly that he was talking about henry.
"what?!?! he'll only be 12 he's hardly a man!"
"we have one kid that my job is complete with. it depends on your
definition of what it means to 'successfully raise a child' is."
have i mentioned that i love chris?

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