we had a wonderful night! the apnea monitors went off for no reason over and over again until chris and I just decided to take them off.
i am there now. more accepting and more at peace with letting go. if jedi passes at night in our bed, the bed he was conceived in- so be it. peaceful, serene, and surrounded by love. i slept SO well. the peace that filled my heart came from the knowledge that God's timing is perfect. that he cares for us so intensely- i need not fear.
my milk has come in really well- so well that I skipped the 4am pump session. it's amazing how sleep or lack there of can affect me so greatly.
today he has done well. he sleeps so peacefully and when he's awake he is a calm observer. he doesn't cry much. he kind of calls out briefly when he's annoyed. when the food is coming too fast or when my stethescope is too cold. in the hospital he sounded like a screaming eagle- kind of a wild call. but now it's just a single yelp or two. i like to think it's because i am so attentive- but it is likely because he is getting weaker.
chris was so attuned that he suggested the drops of breastmilk in jedi's mouth was what was making him congested. so we started giving him little sponges soaked with water to keep his mouth from drying out- and he hasn't gotten congested since. thank you, daddy. plus chris got a neat little humidifier that is directional so jedi slept with it on low and aimed at his face all night. it worked beautifully.
thank you for your continued prayers and support. the meals and gifts have been incredible and such a help!
again- i have to say how very helpful our families have been through this time. without them we wouldn't be able to enjoy fully this brief time with our little jedi.