Five days

what a long night last night was. just before bed jedi stopped
breathing a couple times. he just turned dark. i massaged him, spoke
to him, prayed. he finally picked back up. even with the apnea
monitor on my sleep was patchy.
his breathing now is shallow and eratic. he looks tired. when he was
having those episodes last night and i had him revived i whispered to
him "thank you for coming to visit me. i am so honored to be your mom."
i am. every thing i do for this least of His people, i do for Him.
massaging his eyes to work the eye boogers loose, moistening his mouth
with a tiny wet sponge, massaging his tiny body with oil, feeding him,
changing his diaper, keeping him close and warm, drinking water and
eating enough food so that i may produce enough milk for him- every
action of mine in these last few days have been for and about him and
i have never felt so complete.
chris is so in love. he holds jedi and does his night feedings
through his exhaustion with such a tenderness. he talks to him, even
though at the hospital, jedi failed his hearing test. andchris has
been there, in a special way, for me. he is such a strong support. i
thank God for him.