my labor has stalled. i'm still at the hospital and i talked it over
with my doula.
i am standing at a pivotal point in my life. i look ahead and do not
want to move. our lives will change in ways i am not even aware of.
i am always amazed at how my body can be so controlled by my brain. i
can't recall the saying- but it goes something like- "to hold two very
opposing thoughts in your mind at the very same time...". this whole
week has been like that. a very exhausting juxtaposition- a wrestling
with myself, with God. my body has very slyly fought off labor all
week it seems. and now, sitting in my hospital gown, poised on the
edge of the hospital bed my contractions have whispered away to little
can't i just let go? can't i just descend into the darkness so that i
can experience the light? it's so heavy. so overwhelming. so
lonely. so scary.
hopefully this post will work it's twofold purpose.
1- i will have purged myself of these thoughts- and free myself to
move forward with this incredible task.
2- i will have you all behind me- praying for my intention- carrying
this cross with me, and lightening my load.