i used to think i was the most patient person in the world.
then i became a mom and that fact was proven to be false.
i feel with each kid i have to let something else go. simplify a little bit more. let go of certain worldly expectations.
but this one is just a wild step further than any step i've taken before. and this loss of control(control i thought i had:) has caused me to find out more about myself.
i like to know or have some idea of what may happen in the future. with each pregnancy i go into the last trimester visualizing what the birth will be like. this time i can't. i don't know where to begin. and this has caused me to start having anger issues. i've never really dealt with heavy anger. sure i get impatient with the kids. sure i get frustrated with them. but a few times in the past weeks i have lashed out with a hot anger that scares me. scares the kids. afterwards i come to them and apologize and they are so sweet and understanding- it breaks my heart. i tell them that i'll figure it out. that i'll work really hard at not coming down on them so hard in the future. that this is a new thing for me- but they are just so patient with me, it's hard not to see God at work in us.