last night, after i had gathered myself together and made a dinner that i didn't want to make chris called and said he was on his way home. i asked if the brave's had already played. affirmative. then why not stop by blockbuster and get a movie?
he didn't feel like it. he'd see me later.
then five minutes later he called again- highly uncharacteristic. he told me to get the kids fed, dressed, and over to my sister's. i told him i'd call her and ask if that was ok. here's the next highly uncharacteristic thing in less than 10 minutes- he said he already called her.
so i got them ready-ish and drove them over there. he met me there and we headed out for a date. the first in a LONG time that wouldn't include the third wheel(aka- "the sonographer"). it was much needed. i had been in a funk all day because chris and i hadn't sync'd our thoughts about the cardio consult.
we started out the date talking about everything BUT jedi. the air began to feel heavy to me- like i couldn't bear to bring it up, but i couldn't not talk about it.
i had a little break down in the restaurant, went to the bathroom to collect myself and returned to the table. we then began to talk about the latest news on jedi and what that meant to each of us.
we talked over alot of things, who we want in the room, who we want to be with us afterward, who i might choose to be a care provider, where i might deliver, picking out a cemetery plot, etc.
the waitress finally picked up on the air at the table and stopped trying to chat us up and be jolly. she did her job quickly, quietly, and very unobtrusively.
i was definitely put in my place at one point in the conversation. he brought up that surgery shouldn't be decided against based on fuzzy ultrasound pictures. i asked him what signs he'd be looking for to help us decide whether to proceed with surgery or not. i said, "what's going to change?"
and he looked me square in the eye and said, "i don't know, aren't you the one who is supposed to believe in miracles?"
the man has faith. the man loves jedi so deeply. if ever i doubted that, he erased it with that one comment. and i pray to have even a sliver of the hope that he has.