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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

you aren't the only one

in an effort to reach out to other moms experiencing a trisomy13 pregnancy, i will share thoughts i've had- thoughts i am not proud of but i have a feeling may be normal. i had felt some shame in having these thoughts- i don't entertain them very long because i feel they come from a dark place- but the shame comes more from pride than from anywhere else.
these thoughts you may have- then again, i am a shallow vain person- so you may not have these thoughts at all.
one of the first thoughts i had- probably a day or so after the initial diagnosis- was one of relief. i felt i didn't have to care about what i ate, drank, did. that i didn't have to take prenatal vitamins anymore. i immediately felt sick about having this thought, and told myself, "if i have ANY hope of meeting this little one, i will be even more vigilant about my diet and care for myself.

another thought i've had is more of a vain thought. in every pregnancy i have an occassional worry about getting back into prepregnancy shape, or something similar.
i always can rely on breastfeeding and babywearing(things that i naturally gravitate towards anyway) to burn calories and shed pounds. this time around i have a little more occassional worry about getting back to prepregnancy shape without a newborn to help me. and will i want to take care of myself physically during an emotional time such as what i am facing?

if i have any other similar thoughts i will share. again, i am not proud of these, i just feel if i share them, you may feel more normal, or at least better about any thoughts you may be having.


  1. As the fathere of 11 healthy children
    who are grown and quite a distance into
    their own families, I have a depth of
    love for each one of them and their
    children that defies adequate expression.
    My wife and I lost two in miscarriage,
    one undefineable and the other a ten week
    old little boy. To face a birth of one's
    own disfigured and medically challenged
    child is as searing a blow as I could
    imagine. That my tenth child will experience this with her seventh child is at the same
    time a cross of undefinable emotion as
    well as a blessing of incredible love
    from God. In the old testament the
    number seven is a special number and
    this child is a special child. Just think,
    this child will NEVER commit a sin. Baptism brings the newborn into the folds of the
    church and sin will never darken that
    soul's door. A Saint forever for whatever longevity
    He grants. Then, admission
    to Heaven so as to intercede for the rest
    of us before His throne. My daughter has strength and
    beauty of soul for which I give inadequate thanks to God, profusely. In so saying, hugs and tears will share time
    together as will joy in having knowledge
    of the presence of a true saint in the
    family, right from the Baptismal waters. Somehow, the
    body will rejuvenate and the stretch marks will disappear although
    lactation might be somewhat uncomfortable
    at the outset. I support my girl with
    prayers, love and appreciation for the
    joy she has brought to me in my journey.
    I love you sweet. Dad

  2. Liz you are an amazing person, full of normal thoughts and feelings. You have so many wonderful friends and family praying for you. The comment posted above was so sweet it made me cry....but everything you write brings me tears
    God Bless you dear friend

  3. thanks dad:)
    and lisa, i feel so very blessed. friends are coming forward like never before and the grace felt from their prayers is overwhelming.


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