in an effort to reach out to other moms experiencing a trisomy13 pregnancy, i will share thoughts i've had- thoughts i am not proud of but i have a feeling may be normal. i had felt some shame in having these thoughts- i don't entertain them very long because i feel they come from a dark place- but the shame comes more from pride than from anywhere else.
these thoughts you may have- then again, i am a shallow vain person- so you may not have these thoughts at all.
one of the first thoughts i had- probably a day or so after the initial diagnosis- was one of relief. i felt i didn't have to care about what i ate, drank, did. that i didn't have to take prenatal vitamins anymore. i immediately felt sick about having this thought, and told myself, "if i have ANY hope of meeting this little one, i will be even more vigilant about my diet and care for myself.
another thought i've had is more of a vain thought. in every pregnancy i have an occassional worry about getting back into prepregnancy shape, or something similar.
i always can rely on breastfeeding and babywearing(things that i naturally gravitate towards anyway) to burn calories and shed pounds. this time around i have a little more occassional worry about getting back to prepregnancy shape without a newborn to help me. and will i want to take care of myself physically during an emotional time such as what i am facing?
if i have any other similar thoughts i will share. again, i am not proud of these, i just feel if i share them, you may feel more normal, or at least better about any thoughts you may be having.
As the fathere of 11 healthy children
ReplyDeletewho are grown and quite a distance into
their own families, I have a depth of
love for each one of them and their
children that defies adequate expression.
My wife and I lost two in miscarriage,
one undefineable and the other a ten week
old little boy. To face a birth of one's
own disfigured and medically challenged
child is as searing a blow as I could
imagine. That my tenth child will experience this with her seventh child is at the same
time a cross of undefinable emotion as
well as a blessing of incredible love
from God. In the old testament the
number seven is a special number and
this child is a special child. Just think,
this child will NEVER commit a sin. Baptism brings the newborn into the folds of the
church and sin will never darken that
soul's door. A Saint forever for whatever longevity
He grants. Then, admission
to Heaven so as to intercede for the rest
of us before His throne. My daughter has strength and
beauty of soul for which I give inadequate thanks to God, profusely. In so saying, hugs and tears will share time
together as will joy in having knowledge
of the presence of a true saint in the
family, right from the Baptismal waters. Somehow, the
body will rejuvenate and the stretch marks will disappear although
lactation might be somewhat uncomfortable
at the outset. I support my girl with
prayers, love and appreciation for the
joy she has brought to me in my journey.
I love you sweet. Dad
Liz you are an amazing person, full of normal thoughts and feelings. You have so many wonderful friends and family praying for you. The comment posted above was so sweet it made me cry....but everything you write brings me tears
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you dear friend
thanks dad:)
ReplyDeleteand lisa, i feel so very blessed. friends are coming forward like never before and the grace felt from their prayers is overwhelming.