i wish i had good news to share, even a little bit. but everything we learned today was grim. there were parts of jedi's heart that even the surgeon couldn't place or recognize. it turns out that both his heart and his brain didn't properly go through the division process- so instead of there being two main vessels branching from the top of the heart, there is only one. we discussed several scenarios and i think the biggest thing i learned in that room was that chris and i aren't exactly on the same page. at least not yet. he's of the belief that we shouldn't decide anything until jedi is born. and i already have an idea of what i want to happen.
chris' heart is in the right place. he sees us merely providing comfort care as essentially giving up. he wants to fight this, to win, to come out on top. he's not one to give up.
but i just see this little boy- who wants to be loved while he's here. loved and let go. not wired up, beeping and blipping, hauled about atlanta in an ambulance, far away from everyone he loves- only to die in a strange room with strange people trying to forestall the inevitable.
i will pray that we come to the same page- whether that be me turning to his page, he turning to mine, or both of us coming to another page altogether. regardless, we were one before jedi. we need to be one for him.