i have been reading the time magazine dedicated to mother teresa's 100th year birthday. i think the next to last article was the best- for me anyway.
it was all about the letters of hers that were released a few years ago. they were published in a book called "come be my light". the letters were from her to her confessor and possibly some other priests. she expressed doubt. she felt like God wasn't with her. she felt alone, abandoned. the article talked about how Jesus must have felt this way in the garden of gethsemane the night before his passion.
so, it was soothing to hear that doubt happens. it's not a sign of spiritual weakness, distance from God, or abandonment. God was closer to Jesus in the garden, and mother teresa in the hovels of calcutta than he was at any other time. it's what i do with the doubt that is important. will i let it consume me? control me? become me? or will i calmly keep putting one foot in front of the other and answer with love?
this week will be all about building bridges and getting over my doubt and anxiety.
-i need to pack a bag for the hospital(not alone- but with a friend).
-i need to pick a spot where jedi will be laid to rest when he goes home(already got the cemetery, just need to figure out where within it).
-i need to get together with my doula, photographer, and doctor(not all at the same time), and start making solid plans(more like a flow chart/birthplan).