Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

if wishes were horses

we'd have an entire paddock full in our back yard.
a few mornings ago i lay in bed, palpating jedi. i like to see or guess at how he's lying. it seems he likes to be horizontal. so in the morning he's head/tail up/down. but during the day he's head/tail side/side.
chris was getting ready for work and i was struggling with thoughts.
"i don't want to go into labor", i finally said. would it be too much to ask to be pregnant through Christmas?
"you have to go into labor eventually."
"well, i don't want to. i'm not ready. i don't think i ever will be." i've never felt like this. by about 35 weeks i am usually groaning about how this pregnancy could last 5-7 more weeks. and with me, it's more like 7 more weeks.
well, i am groaning. but it's immediately checked when i imagine just how it could end. the complaining about how there is no seat comfortable enough, no item of clothing comfortable enough, no flipping over in bed easy enough- they kind of just get squelched in my mind and turn sour. i have him NOW. he's happy NOW. he's alive NOW. later, there are just a bunch of questions.
"if it makes you feel any better, i'm not ready for you to go into labor either."


  1. I am not ready either! I love Chris's response. Could you imagine ever being so attached to the baby in the womb as you are right now? Thank you God for the gift of Jedidiah Joseph! May God give you/us strength to bear what is to come and be ready for "His Will be Done". Love you guys & sending you a BIG hug. Regina

  2. Have Faith Elizabeth that God has this whole journey planned out for you with the most love and only goodness in mind. Have Faith that He will choose the perfect day for Jedidiah to be born and the perfect day for him to be called to Heaven. Sounds so hard... keep in mind where Jedidiah will be called to, what it will be like for him and how you and Chris were chosen to be parents of a Saint! Of an Angel given to you by God! What a gift Elizabeth. An amazing gift that may not be able to be seen thru the sadness you will feel but someday you will know the priveledge of being the chosen parents! God knew you could handle this, knew you would make the most of it and knew you would teach so many others thru your experience....and you have done that!
    Labor will come, Jedidiah will be delivered into this world, and thru it all you will feel God's love, feel God's power and feel how you are the best Mom He could have given Jedidiah!!!
    'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

  3. Elizabeth,

    Another very insightful post! Since Ali, I know my attitude has changed drastically about those last few weeks of pregnancy! It doesn't make it any easier or more comfortable physically, but I find myself much more content to wait for the baby than I was before. Even now expecting a "healthy" baby, I realize more that there are no guarantees. If I am so focused on being in a hurry to get this baby born as soon as possible, I am missing out on enjoying all the time I have now with the baby.

    You are in my constant thoughts and prayers. And thanks again for so openly sharing yourself with us all!


  4. Liz, as I read what you are writing, I hear myself through you. You are on the similar path God called John and me to walk last summer. I even said those same words.. He's alive today. I remember posting about it earlier this year sharing my same thoughts. KNow that you are so in the company of so many who share in this heavy cross with you and will be here to help you through the heavy times. God Bless , Emily

  5. I'm not ready for you to go into labor either, Elizabeth. I enjoy looking at Jedidiah's ultrasound photo and knowing he's alive, cozy and safe in your womb.

    Your faith is insipiring to me. Your honesty, so real, as it should be. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.



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