i can't sleep- again.
i keep thinking about job and his choices. he's my favorite old testament book to read when crap hits the fan. when my life feels like it's unraveling.
5 or 6 years ago january i decided to adopt job's attitude toward life. whenever inconvenient things happened i decided i would "praise God" for the moment. i figured in doing this, i would trick myself into actually believing on a deeper level that these moments were crafted by God to make me a better person.
it wasn't easy at first. my first reaction was more caustic, but after a while, "praise God" became a little easier and a little more second nature.
it must have been january because my first outside use of the practice was after the pro-life march. my big brother, fr. kevin got a flat tire while driving my family back from the pro-life march in down town atlanta. he was driving the blessed trinity high school van/bus and i decided i'd carpool with him. he took a corner too tight and busted one of the back right wheels(there were two of them). i blurted out, "praise God".
"WHAT?!?!" he exclaimed.
as he limped the van/bus to the nearest free place i thought that it would've been wiser, in this situation, to keep my new found practice to myself. and even as i said it, i felt like it didn't fit. i didn't believe my own words.
we found a parking lot and parked the van/bus. the kids got out as fr. kevin called for a tire company to come fix the flat. we all sat in the parking lot, coming up with games to entertain the kids. stacking rocks, tossing them, spotting helicopters, counting cars, whatever we could think of.
as fr. kevin begins his second and more dangerous deployment my mind goes back to that time.
it reminds me of the part in the pixar movie UP when russel tells karl that he enjoys the boring times with his dad. the times that aren't hyperscheduled, the times that just happen.
i know fr kevin's mind must have been frazzled, but the time we spent in that parking lot on the corner of spring and 17th is now a fond memory. i now believe my own words of praise for that moment. how's that for twisting a bad situation into a good one?
so, now, with jedidiah, i wonder how God is going to twist this. first it's my job(pun, heh heh). first i must "praise God", even though it may feel like a foreign language and i may only mouth it.
i wonder how the kids will look back on this. how will i? how will chris?
we have simplified our lives- no scouts, no homeschool co-op, no sports. will they look back on this "boring" family-centric time and love it?
i hope so. this thought helps me to unfrazzle my brain, so that i can make some room to store the memories of this time.