i typed up the details of jedi's death awhile ago. i just needed to do it for myself. i've never experienced death first hand. and nobody really talks about it so i wasn't sure what to expect. i may post it- just because. because i don't think it should be taboo. i don't think it should be something you don't know anything about until it happens. it would have been beneficial- i think- to have known at least a little bit of what to expect.
as a mom- i prepare so in depth for birth. but when preparing for death there are almost no sources of information out there. other mom's blogs were beneficial to a point- but didn't really go into detail either.
i think what shocked me the most was the eerie similarity to birth. how your whole body is tingling and alert. you stand on the edge of the earth. looking forward, you see yourself and the new life you will lead. looking back you see your life, how it was- how very different it was.
i think if i were to change anything i'd change the mortuary we used. it felt so wrong handing jedi's body over to absolute strangers. i watched a pbs special on netflix called "a family undertaking" and i longed to have that as an option. chris wasn't comfortable with handling body preparation at home- but i think once we experienced how wrong dealing with strangers felt it gave us a different perspective.
Dealing with the death of a child is something very hard to face. It can be something you relive everyday, but perhaps sharing the details can almost help in the healing process. I have found it to be useful and so many mom's who have experienced the loss of a child or may be facing it can find confort in others who trully understand what they have gone through. You are a remarkable woman Liz.
ReplyDeleteThe details that you shared regarding the funeral home people were so disturbing. I was upset that at such a private, personal and painful event, that you would have to have such callous people involved.
ReplyDeleteLife is precious. And death is sad.
ReplyDeleteMay God be with you in your steps.... And one day you will be together again, that is your comfort.
PS I saw that special, and I agree, a home burial seems right.
I feel exactly the same way. I told Ray that if I ever have the brain power, I was going to write a book (or collect contributions,) on how to handle the death of a prenatal or newly born infant (especially for Catholic families since I was acutely aware of our particular needs.) I never needed the information before, and when I did, I realized the absolute lack of it. Praise God for my priest who handled almost everything. Such critical information shouldn't be so hard to find. And those who work in the 'death' industry really need training in dealing with grieving parents. Callous is a good word for it. We were treated like we were from Mars.
ReplyDeleteDear Liz,
ReplyDeleteI recently read a recommendation for a book, 'Midwife for Souls,' written by Catholic hospice nurse Kathy Kalina. My friend says of the book, "She compares dying to the stages of childbirth labor and describes the sort of care, physical and emotional, that is good at the various stages. . .Her writing is very clinical in spots; her intent was to write for other hospice nurses, but I don't think it's a bad thing for the rest of us to see behind the curtain, so to speak."
I haven't had a chance to read the book myself, but it sounds like it would be helpful for anyone caring for the dying.
The person to whom she recommended the book was caring for her husband dying of cancer. She responded about the book, "I find it both comforting and enlightening. Thank you very much for recommending this book. I will be sure to recommend it to others, even those who are not in a situation like mine. God bless the author of this book and you, too, for recommending it."
God bless,
Becky M.
I believe that if you were to share the details, it certainly could help another mother and her family in a similar situation. What one may view as a taboo topic may be just what another person needs to read in order to help them heal or understand better.
ReplyDeletePray about it. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you write.
Lots of love and hugs to you!