i haven't blogged very much recently. i've thought about why and agonized over it.
on one hand i need you all's prayers.
on the other, i don't want to scare anyone.
the grief i'm feeling can be overwhelming at times. overwhelming-and nasty- and messy- and i'm scared that if i blog openly about it i may cause a future mom to make a decision she may forever regret.
i think my 8 year old son max could sum it up perfectly.
we were sharing thoughts about the first joyful mystery. my thought was- "i bet mary was scared. i mean, gabriel said 'be not afraid'. why did he say that? she must have looked scared. she must have been confused. but the important part is- through her fright and confusion- she said 'yes'- 'be it done to me according to thy word'."
then i told them, "daddy and i were scared. and confused. but we said yes. let's pray for women out there- women who are scared and confused and want to say yes but feel like they can't."
then max said, "but if they said 'no' they would just have the sadness and not have the good times."
amen max, amen.
thank you God- for sheltering me through so i could experience the good times.
thank you for my parents- who raised me to never ask "why me?" and always ask "why NOT me?"