mary jane and frances talk about jedidiah every day- multiple times a day. they play with his bear. they see the balloon on the ceiling and ask "is that jedidiah's balloon?" (yes, it's still up there;).
i found it unsettling one night to witness the girls playing at funeral in my room. i was knitting and they had jedidiah's bear wrapped in a blanket. they called it "the box". they then took a rug and covered "the box" and said "now the box is under the ground". then they pulled the bear out and played some other game with it.
i thought, "how morbid!". but then, kids do that. they play to understand. the copycat mom and dad so that they can learn how to behave. but they are also very lighthearted beings. mary jane and frances' play reminded me of ring around the rosey. that song and it's origin is a testament to a child's view of grief. life happens- and then they turn it into a song and game.
this afternoon we went out as a family. it being naptime, frances naturally fell asleep. when we got to our destination i unbuckled her and was about to slip her onto my shoulder when she woke. she was wide eyed and alert so quickly, it shocked me.
"jedidiah's in heaven. jedidiah's in heaven. jedidiah's in heaven."
she repeated this over and over.
i asked, "did you see him?"
she smiled, "yes".
"did you hold him?"
she smiled bigger, "yes".
the children are helping me grieve just by grieving in their own unique way- we are all together on this journey.