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Thursday, February 3, 2011

protecting myself

during jedi's pregnancy it began. i started cautioning the kids to "be careful", "get down from there", "don't skate so fast or you'll fall".
i kept thinking to myself- "i'm already on a cliff- a trip to the emergency room for a broken femur would push me over"
that attitude made the world "all about me". instead of fostering the kids sense of adventure and zeal for life, i was trying to push them into a more convenient shape. something that wouldn't burden me as much when i shouldered it.
this sentiment goes to levels deeper than "taming dare devil kids". it goes to other levels- not reaching out to help someone in need- not being open to God's call, the challenge of the spirit- not trusting that God will provide if i just say 'yes'.
my pastor, fr. jack has given some great homilies over the past few weeks. the one i'm referring to isn't posted on the link because it was a weekday mass homily.
i can't remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of not worrying so much about this or that detail. this world is passing- fleeting- so very temporary. and i am putting too much stock in all that is dust.
the ONE thing i need to think about is "what God wants me to do right NOW!"
i get so caught up in "what if" situations- economic and governmental collapse, invasion, slavery, poverty, war, famine. but when i think of fr. jack's words it doesn't bother me much anymore. what does God want me to do NOW?
get up and make breakfast. live. love. say yes.

4 comments:

  1. I'm glad you're back - I've been praying that you would be "up and running" quickly once Fr K had to leave... NOW, I've got to get back to teaching and my own schoolwork! :)

    God bless you and Mary keep you...

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  2. I too get caught up in the "what ifs." I struggle with fear and it's gotten worse as I age. Do not be afraid...I believe JPII's intercession will help with this. And thank goodness for Fr. Jack. He always preaches on what I need to hear. Wish I would have heard that homily! Great post!

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  3. every day i struggle to let go of the "what ifs". they can be so consuming. when i start rehashing/obsessing on what could be or what could have been i just remind myself there are no such thing as "what ifs", only God's plan.

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  4. no's are ok too when needed.
    but, i remember telling kailee to get down from the tree. you said "why?"
    I said, " she could hurt herself!" Your response has stuck with me forever!! its not life threatening.... a broken arm is something that heals. (not those exact words but the point was made.)
    thank you for that.
    you have such a good mothering sense and anything you do seems to be right in my eyes.

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