Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

the biggest struggle as of late

what to do with my fertility?
every time my fertility comes around i am faced with thoughts that overwhelm.
another baby would feel like an inferior replacement right now. i know pregnancy is 9 months and i would have time to adjust to the prospect but i simply am not ready. just being fertile is a painful reminder. i had a baby three months ago! i shouldn't be fertile yet! but i am and why i am is why i am not ready to put my fertility to use. so we abstain during the fertile time- and wait for clearer thoughts. the thought of a baby stands on it's own- without thoughts of inferior replacement.
will that ever happen? will i ever think of pregnancy and childbirth the same again?
whenever i see a pregnant woman i don't have that joyful feeling inside me as much as i used to. i now see her and think how maybe she is carrying a secret burden that her body belies.


  1. Dearest Elizabeth,

    Continued hugs and prayers for you.

    Though I haven't experienced what you have, I try to put myself in your shoes and think, how would I handle this? I read what you share with us and it all seems completely normal.

    Thank you for your willingness to be honest.

    Praising God for the special gift and life of Jedidiah Joseph. Your example, too, is a blessing and inspiration to me.


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