Infant of prague novena

through a series of uncanny and coincidental events and happenings i have felt called to intrust jedi to the Infant of prague.
i just did a search online for the Infant of prague novena and it turns out that it's a novena to be said every hour for nine consecutive hours. so i begin this today- asking for the grace to be the best mom for jedi i know how to be and asking for the gift of days for jedi-so his uncle can look into his eyes and feel the quiet strength of God.

INFANT JESUS OF PRAGUE NOVENA PRAYER

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.
(Make your request)

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.
(Make your request)

O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.
(Make your request)

This novena is to be said each hour on the hour for 9 hours

checking in

everything is still the same. no changes.
i have felt an intense desire to stay at home with the kids and play cardgames, build puzzles, knit while they play outside.
for the most part i am giving in to that desire.

i'm also feeling that peace i asked you all to intercede for. just an acceptance of the day. an awe and wonder at watching His plan unfold. what day will He choose?
i thought about why i was feeling such intense impatience and it was because i have never been able to fully prepare myself for a miscarriage this late in the game. and i began to think that if i were able to prepare myself for that- maybe something would be wrong with me. moms just can't do that. which is fine, because God will come with His grace when it is most needed. and knowing that is helping.

so my patience is at a nice new level, thanks to God. i am going to try my best to keep this gift of patience intact- so i am avoiding all phone calls. expectation from outsiders always seems to rattle me and since this patience is a nice respite- i don't want to ruin it.

40 weeks! praise God!

join me in praising God!

jedi has beaten a majority of the odds set against him- all through the power of my prayer warriors' intercessions. thank you!
it's funny and so heartwarming to see a little goose egg over in the pregnancy countdown widget on the left.:)

here's an update-
i went to doctor tate's yesterday for a tummy check and he said things look good.
i'm measuring 35.5 weeks.
he's head down.
his heartrate was holding at the 140 range or slightly higher.
he's still kicking strong.
my amniotic fluid was a bit low but nothing pounding water can't take care of.
i'm about 2 cm dilated.

my new prayer request is for peace and assurance. i just need to know on a deeper level that God is taking care of all of us. that everything is in His hands and not to worry too much about an induction.
as always, thank you so much for your prayers and kind comments.

first day of blessed teresa novena

know the living Jesus

"do you really know the living Jesus- not from books but from being with Him in you heart?"

"am i convinced of Christ's love for me and mine for Him? this conviction is the rock on which sanctity is built. what must we do to get this conviction? we must know Jesus, love Jesus, serve Jesus. knowledge will make you strong as death. we know Jesus through faith: by medidtating on His Word in the scriptures, by listening to Him speak through His Church, and through the intimate union of prayer."

"seek Him in the tabernacle. fix your eyes on Him who is the Light. Bring your hearts close to His Divine Heart and ask Him to grant you the grace of knowing Him."

thought for the day

"don't search for Jesus in far lands; He is not there. He is close to you; He is in you."

ask for the grace of an intimate knowledge of Jesus. Recite the novena prayer to blessed teresa.

blessed teresa novena prayer

blessed teresa of calcutta,
you allowed the thirsting love of Jesus on the cross to become a living flame within you, and so became the light of His love to all. obtain from the Heart of Jesus...
(here make your request).
teach me to allow Jesus to penetrate and possess my whole being so completely that my life, to, may radiate His light and love to others.
amen.

intercession

sometime last week i thanked the kids for saying prayers for me during my anatomy&physiology midterm. for some strange reason i got a good grade. a grade i wasn't expecting in the least.
samantha looked at me and said, "mom, it's jedi joe. he's interceeding for you already."
suffice it to say, that gave me chills.

a big thank you

i bought a giant pack of thank you cards so i could acknowledge those people who have helped. it's overwhelming though, the amount of people who are pouring out support. and it comes in ALL kinds of forms. meals, gift cards, cleaning my house, babysitting, listening ears, quality time spent, beautiful personalized drawings by nieces:), kind, thoughtful, and compassionate comments made on the blog.
all these gifts have really been so touching. i can't possibly sit and pen "thank you"s to all the people who have reached out. i will still try though.
by far the most touching gift i've received are your prayers. they are my soul's balm.
yesterday- when i posted about kick counts- as soon as i clicked "publish" jedi decided to gift me with broad and swift kicks. it was amazing. i felt like the burden wasn't so focused on me- it was spread thin and you all were helping me carry it.

prayers needed for tomorrow's birth planning meeting

tomorrow we are meeting with a couple that had a trisomy baby a few years ago. they are going to help us walk through making a birth plan.
this is going to be like NO birth plan i have EVER made!
i am used to the "delayed cord cutting", "no episiotomy", "no bath for baby" type birth plan.
the birth plan we are going to make tomorrow is much like these. and i'm struggling to gather all the information that i need and am trying to think of all the possible situations that may arise- so i can have something written down for it.
for now i'm sure i want the following...
-a priest to be on hand for the baptism. we have three on call.
-pictures and video to be taken.
-lock of hair kept.
-footprints and handprints- bring plaster with us.
-depending on hospital protocol, i'd like to take jedi outside into the sun.
-the kids, i want the kids in there as soon as possible.
i have alot more thinking to do. if anyone reading this has ideas, email me or post a comment.
and whether you have ideas or not, please pray for the Holy Spirit to guide us tomorrow.

talking with the kids

we were saying a belly-rubbing rosary a couple of nights ago when, in the middle of the 4th and 5th mysteries, and after we said our special prayer for jedidiah, samantha asks “what does ‘thy will be done’ mean?”
“it means that we are voicing our desire for God’s desire to happen. we want what God wants. even if it is the hardest thing. God could ask jedidiah to come to Him tonight. He could work a miracle and allow him to live for ten years! we don’t know what God’s will is but whatever happens, God is looking out for us and it’s for the best.”
after this, the kids started flooding the room with wants and desires.
samantha-“i want him to be born alive. i want to hold him while he’s alive.”
me- from the very bottom of my heart, “i do too.”
samantha- with her eyes open wide “that means EVERY kick is a miracle.”
henry- “i wish this was all a fraud.”
george- “i wish God would work a meow-uh-cull and jedidiah would live LONGER than ten years.”
max remained silent but i knew his thoughts ran deep. i’ll have to have a one on one conversation with him if i ever want to know them. maybe a date with mommy is in order.

whether we live or die, aslan is our lord

a comment elicited by my recent post on anger really has helped me in the last few days. it has really boiled the whole situation down and all that remains is the big picture.

laura said:

You don't know what your delivery will look like or is in store for Jedidiah BUT you do know that God loves you and will take care of you, Jedidiah, Chris and all of your beautiful children just as he does everyday

His love. that's all that matters. and any time over the past few days that i have experienced a feeling of doubt, of question, of anxiety, it all disintigrates with just a self reminder of His all encompassing love.
it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from narnia. in the silver chair after jill pole and eustace scrubb free the prince from the enchanted silver chair, they are faced with taking on the army of an evil sorceress. as they peer out the window at their doom and worry aloud, the prince comforts them all with one line-
"whether we live or die, aslan is still our lord."
so that is the big picture. that is what matters most. not how much we have accomplished or what circles we run in. not the amount we have in the bank account or what luxury items we own. and not how long our lives are.

today's fetal echo and cardiac consult

i wish i had good news to share, even a little bit. but everything we learned today was grim. there were parts of jedi's heart that even the surgeon couldn't place or recognize. it turns out that both his heart and his brain didn't properly go through the division process- so instead of there being two main vessels branching from the top of the heart, there is only one. we discussed several scenarios and i think the biggest thing i learned in that room was that chris and i aren't exactly on the same page. at least not yet. he's of the belief that we shouldn't decide anything until jedi is born. and i already have an idea of what i want to happen.
chris' heart is in the right place. he sees us merely providing comfort care as essentially giving up. he wants to fight this, to win, to come out on top. he's not one to give up.
but i just see this little boy- who wants to be loved while he's here. loved and let go. not wired up, beeping and blipping, hauled about atlanta in an ambulance, far away from everyone he loves- only to die in a strange room with strange people trying to forestall the inevitable.
i will pray that we come to the same page- whether that be me turning to his page, he turning to mine, or both of us coming to another page altogether. regardless, we were one before jedi. we need to be one for him.

between rosary mysteries prayer

the kids and i composed a mini-prayer that is easy to remember. we say it between mysteries. if you would like to join us- here's how it goes...
Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of jedidiah joseph. please heal him mind and body. thy will be done.

blessed margaret of castello

a woman at church told me that she is praying for blessed margaret of castello to intercede for us. she is so sweet. she talks to jedi everytime i see her. wednesday she tried to teach him "GO DAWGS!", until i told her that his dad wouldn't appreciate that lesson very much. i asked her to tell me more about blessed margaret and she related the story. i googled her when i got home and found this.
pretty touching. i know historically people were just SO embarassed about their special needs child- but it really shocks me when i run into a similar sentiment in current times. i think it is similar to the shock I had when i learned that bigotry was still alive and kicking. i was pretty sheltered:)