raising kids

chris was clicking around the channels last night and on one channel
there flashed a preacher who asked his congregation, "have you raised
children?"
and i said to chris, "we haven't raised a child.". thinking how funny
it was that we were currently raising 6 and have been at it for years
it seems. but we have yet to successfully raise a child to the age of
18. although we are getting close. henry will be 12 on thursday!
he looked at me and said, "we have raised one."
and i thought dumbly that he was talking about henry.
"what?!?! he'll only be 12 he's hardly a man!"
"we have one kid that my job is complete with. it depends on your
definition of what it means to 'successfully raise a child' is."
have i mentioned that i love chris?

trisomy adoption

children who have trisomy 13 are waiting to be loved.  waiting to be adopted.

For those interested in Adopting a Trisomy 13, there are several on this page.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Trisomy-1318-Adoption/226252684078396

if you are TTC- trying to conceive or just a woman of birthing age

i guess this is kind of a PSA of sorts.
but in anatomy and physiology last semester we learned about the divisions that the human egg undergoes. as well as the divisions of the sperm.
and then this information i learned in a book called "fertility, cycles, and nutrition" : that 95% of trisomies are because of problems arising during egg cell division(the mom).
AND further- proper amounts of folic acid are needed for healthy egg cell division.

so ladies, put that ALL together and it comes out as this...

birth defects like downs syndrome, trisomy 18, and trisomy 13 arise long before conception. they arise as your body busily goes about making eggs. we shouldn't begin to take prenatal vitamins when we find out we are pregnant. we should be taking them everyday between marriage and menopause, switching to a menopausal supplement after that.

i didn't want to bring this up at first because when i first put it together i dealt with some guilt- knowing i was the one who possibly caused jedidiah's genetic defect. i didn't want any other tri moms to feel guilty. but i realized that it was just short dark moment, and that it shouldn't stop me from possibly preventing future babies' problems.

this cake

fellow ICANer, robin, sent this image to me this morning.
i thought it was cute.

20 weeks

wow- what a difference a few weeks makes! things are going good.
i was scheduled for a 20 ultrasound but canceled the appointment
because i didn't feel the need- AND- i am
not satisfied with my careprovider so i am shopping for another.
he is kicking alot and

changing the label- trisomy awareness video

a dream this morning

i had a dream that we had our baby boy("dolphin") as the girls call him. it was an uneventful birth. we actually went home without him*. the home we were in at the time was a LARGE rambling house owned by my sister-in-law. everyone was living there. we needed to furnish our room so i went to this store that was like like a homoginized home depot/walmart/linens and things. i bought new underwear, a bathmat, some sheets, and a ceiling fan. when we arrived back at the house i saw my sister-in-law's boyfriend walking around the pool- it was FULL of kids. like i said, everyone lived there. so we drove around to the front yard where they had just built a pool and that pool was full too! we pulled up short of the pool and all of the sudden i got this terrible feeling in my gut. i needed to find my mom. and i wanted chris too.
i ran around the house and found chris. together, we then found mom- she was in kevin's room and he was taking a nap. at the foot of his bed kids were playing cards. regina was talking on the phone sitting next to his bed. i wanted privacy but more than that i wanted to ask a burning question.
"what's going on with our baby?"
"he passed a clot this morning." she said and looked away.
"and?"
"well, there was part of his outside skin that didn't form on the outside, it stayed inside."
while she said this the ridge of her nose started turning black and melting down her face. she turned to me and said, "the skin came out with the clot and... and... and he died."
i've gone to sleep crying quite a few times. i've never woken up crying like i did this morning. well, actually sobbing was more of what it was like.
we got an ultrasound on this kid. the lady said that nothing is wrong as far as she can see. we didn't agree to any more tests- because we knew that tests don't serve to take away ALL your worry. you're still going to worry. you're still going to doubt they did the test right. you'll doubt they turned over all the stones.
chris held me. i listened to his heart but i couldn't go back to sleep. everytime i closed my eyes i went back to that place. part of me wanted to find a mirror back in my dream. convinced that if i looked in it i i wouldn't see myself. convinced that in my dream i was someone else.